Season 3, Episode 58: Do MORE by doing LESS!

Season 3, Episode 58

Nicole:

Hey friends. So if you have been following me on Instagram you know, one historically I am not a morning person. I don’t know about you but I have always found that whether it’s in entrepreneurship or in being a mom that one of the biggest things that I see online is content around efficiency, but efficiency is always masked as like wake up at 4 a.m, right? The only way to make it happen is if you sneak extra hours in the day and I gotta tell you I have been all over the place in trying to steal back extra hours because as moms, as busy women, as goal-driven entrepreneurs, we have so much going on in our lives that our to-do list never ends.

I mean, I know that this is literally and universally, like right now you’re listening to this probably while doing another task, whether it’s in the carpool line, working out, at the grocery store, cooking dinner. Like, this is just our life, right? But I have to tell you, girl, I love a sleep in. I’m not kidding. I love a sleep in. In a way where It is a treat to me to go to bed and not turn on an alarm and know that I just get to lay. Like I just need to lay. I want to wake up whenever I wake up. Like isn’t this why most Mother’s Day’s and most holidays and birthdays start with like not having any requirements to wake up early.

So knowing that I am coming from that far on the spectrum of loving a sleep in to girl, I need to wake up at 4 a.m. in order to be anything productive, like that’s just not going to happen. And so I have to tell you, and this is so hard to admit, I have actually managed to sneak in an extra 10 hours a week of productivity by doing this one thing. I’m gonna tell you exactly what it is.

I do get up earlier, but instead of trying to do it based on someone else’s schedule, based on some hashtag, tip, miracle morning, strategy, routine, what have you, I’ve actually found my own motivation to do it and I built in structures to make it easier. So here’s what this looks like.

Let’s go back to move forward. Ever since college, everyone always knew me as the person to not really talk to before 11. It’s just the truth. If you catch me before 11, I’m not gonna be nice. I might be up at 9 if I have a class or something to do but if it is before 11 like you’re not gonna get the energy that you’re gonna want to meet because I am like barely functional.

I can’t think. I’m like stumbling. I just do not have it all the way together. And so all Over the past maybe 12 to 15 years of becoming a mom, starting my own successful business, taking on media and TV projects, I have literally had such a jam-packed day that I literally was like, I could work until midnight and not finish everything.

Well, since moving to California and being in Los Angeles y’all some of you may not realize this if you’re an East Coaster but if I sleep until 11 I am waking up when the day is over in other parts of the country and we have to decide if, especially if you’re on the West Coast, if you’re going to work on East Coast hours.

So what that’s meant is I have to figure out how to get up earlier. Now, aside from having a kid and needing to wake up for school and all of those things, you know, the privilege of being able to sleep late and work 15 hour days anyways by staying up to 11, is just one that my old over 30 self just can’t even manage anymore. Right. So what I started doing was I’ve been examining different methods to wake up earlier.

So I’ve tried the whole, oh, we’ll wake up and do like meditation or wake up and just have like a routine that is peaceful. Like I’m gonna wake up and I’m gonna drink some tea and all these things. But the truth is none of it was working for me. If I’m just gonna wake up and do meditation, I can meditate with my eyes closed in my bed. Okay, right? Like that’s what I’m really trying to do. Or wake up and just go for it. Like start your day right away, crank it out, go run, go work out. Like no, that is not exciting. So finally, I started examining a different perspective. And this is kind of what I want to encourage you on. This is part 1, like, or I should say, piece one of my get more hours in your week method. And then part 2, I think is going to just blow your mind with the simplicity of it, right?

Cause you know, I love a regular person strategy for what is otherwise a complex issue. So the regular person strategy, the first part of part 1, is instead of focusing on what you’re going to do when you wake up, shift to thinking about why. That mindfulness is everything. Everything. I have, I’m not kidding y’all, I used to be so worried about I have to wake up to do, do, do, do, do. And 1 of my good friends, Lana Jackson, she’s the CEO of Browne Wellness. She was on our podcast last week. One of the things that she was talking to me about is that, and actually not just her, but also another good friend of mine, Tamika, Tamika Lewis, she is the owner of Women of Color Therapy based in Sherman Oaks, an incredible facility. Both of them are always talking about how our society has really geared women, particularly marginalized women, to believe that our bodies are based on productivity.

Like women are built to do and to serve. And I got to tell you, outside of getting that message from society all the time that my job is to get up and move and do and provide, I don’t need to give that message to myself, particularly as like my starting point – that my first thing I do when I rise is to get into motion. So I knew already that why wasn’t gonna work for me. But what I found was if I attached my why for waking up to my greatest values what matters the most to me and something that would nurture and grow that – that it was just a tremendously different result. Like I wanted to wake up.

So my big why for getting up just a little bit earlier every single day is my babies. And let me tweak this. I know some of y’all are like, listen, sis, okay? I’m already waking up for my babies because they’re hollering because I got to get them food, because I am breastfeeding right now. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. This is what I mean. I recognize that as my little one, who’s 11 now going into sixth grade. I know we can’t believe it.

She is getting older that I’m only going to have so much time left of this sort of, I call it the baby phase, right? That elementary school sweetness where you still want to hang out with mom and you still want to give me hugs and you aren’t all the way a teen who just wants to do teen things and you still think I’m kind of cool. Like I hope it lasts a really long time but I don’t know how long it’s gonna be and so because of that, you know I’m really eating up each one of these moments and I realized even though I’m so sweet my Misterfella does school drop-off but they were getting up every morning and having like a real quick breakfast, hopping in the car, driving the 10 minutes to school, you know, picking a song, you know, like having that chat time and I was like, why can’t I just join in on that?

What would it look like for me to have that extra 10 minutes every morning with her? You know over the course of a week, that’s an extra hour of time with my baby, just to kick off the day. You know and what would that do for my heart and my spirit? And I never want to look back after a month and say, oh my gosh, that was like a full half day of not seeing my baby that I could have seen my baby, you know, and is laying in bed really worth not having that time, particularly when I don’t have to do the drive and I don’t have to do all these. I can literally just sit there and enjoy her.

And I realized that that was a pretty big why, right? That makes me want to get up. You know, so for you, it may look a little different. Maybe that the reason that you want to get up has something to do with, you know, I want to prepare a better meal for myself and I enjoy cooking and maybe I never have the time to get that done in the day and so this is something I really want to do or I want to try a new hairstyle and you know it makes me feel really good to do this or I enjoy doing my makeup and I can take a little extra time to do that or I want to have time to chat with my mom in the morning and I don’t talk to her enough but I can fit in a morning call particularly on the East Coast/West Coast vibes you know like whatever it is I found that waking up and attaching that to something that is connected to something bigger than just a new workout regimen or a new business or something that’s productivity-based, has really been a much more consistent driver for me than what I was doing before.

So that’s the first part of it. But also on top of that, right, let’s stack our whys. Another thing that worked great for me was the Misterfella, right? So I realized that, you know, because he’s doing the driving and because he’s tagging along I get all this extra time with both of them. And who has ever looked back on their life and said, man, I really wish I’d spent less time with my family. You know, it’s easy for us to say now But truly how many of us have looked back and said I wish I had less quality time with my family.

So we had some incredible conversations during this morning carpool. It’s such a powerful, energetic, positive start to my day being with the people I love and not being with them in a capacity where I am doing for them. That’s part of what feels good about this. This isn’t me having to play, do you have this and have you got this? And what is for dinner? And let me prep this. I literally just get to enjoy my family and start off my day for about 15 to 30 minutes every morning.

And that is enough for me that when I open my eyes because I hear the rustlings and sounds of the morning, which y’all, we hear that anyways, because these kids are loud. They have no consideration whatsoever. Kids have one volume, right? So we hear those sounds anyways, and it’s like being able to wake up and just say, you know what, I’m going to get up and join in, feels really good for me, right? It feels really good. It’s that stacked why. But then and y’all are gonna be like Nicole, this is unreal I can’t believe this happened for you, as someone who didn’t even want to get up early well, my guy goes to the gym religiously. Like when I tell you call it a LA thing, call it like he comes from a family that’s always been very athletic, you know, and so like his parents walk like I think something like 7 miles every morning or something like that to get it’s just like they’re just it’s part of their life, you know, and his dad was like a cross country runner and like good at it. And so it’s like for him going to the gym, he goes every day. You know how the doctor recommends, what is it, 30 minutes 3 times a week? He goes to the gym every single day for like 90 minutes in the morning. I don’t, You know, I can’t even make this. I’m like, why it’s so much? <laughs>

But also, don’t we all secretly wish that we were that person who was like, I love working out so much. It feels good to me. I get endorphins. For me, working out has always been work. Like I’ll do it, but it has always been work. So catch this, y’all. The other thing that this is in part B, we’re still in part 1 of stacking your whys. One of the things that’s been a byproduct of this is once I’m in the car, well, after school drop off, he goes to the gym. So what’s happened is I wake up in the morning and in order for like, gotta get dressed, right? Well, I’ve started putting on workout gear. You know, I have this incredible workout set from Nike that’s like pretty carefree, I guess is the best way, because I don’t have to worry about, will it fit? Is it comfortable? Is it tight? Is it that time of month? Is it, will it hold me in? I just don’t have to think about it, right? I can just put it on and go. It’s like very easy gear. And honestly, frankly, that fits into part 2, which I’ll talk about in a minute, which is set up processes in the night before, you know. My friend Jen Hatmaker always says, you know, let the nighttime you, you know, let the morning you be happy for what the nighttime you did, right? So let nighttime you pull out the gear and the tools that you need so that your morning is easy.

So like for me, like having Nike sets means I don’t have to think about whether or not my leggings are going to be comfortable. I don’t have to think about whether or not my bra is going to have too much bounce. I don’t have to think about whether or not like, frankly, if I’m going to take a shower after the gym, if I’m going to have that like sweat lock in my clothing, like everything’s got that like, you know, instant dry fit, you know, I don’t have to think about. For instance, I just got a new pair of Nike sneakers, I found that the sneakers I was wearing before were too flat, not enough cushioning for, you know, what I do at the gym, which I’ll talk about in part B. And so having my new Nike sneakers with the appropriate padding on them has literally saved my knee like I’m not kidding my hips and my back were starting to hurt because your girl wasn’t going to the gym until she started this process, like regularly, you know, she was just working out sporadically. And now that I’m at the gym, kind of hitting it hard 5 days a week, I was feeling it. And it turns out that it was a sneaker thing. And Nike is for athletes. You know, Nike is for, you know, that’s their foundation. So that means that as an everyday person who wears athleisure and is also putting on clothing, you know, as just a regular mom, so I need to go from the gym to whatever else I’m doing, you know, or from carpool to the gym.

Like it was so important for me to have things that actually helped my body. So like having these sneakers, like literally was a game changer. I switched into them because the cushioning was like a game changer. But all that being said, you know, I slip on this stuff now to go to do this drop off and I just get in the car and go. And It’s great because I’m wearing my athleisure. I’m chill. I don’t even have to think twice. I get in the car, do drop off, and then I go to the gym with him because he’s not swinging by the house to drop me back off. He’s still doing his routine! Y’all, y’all I have been going to the gym now for over a month with my guy. I look, I don’t know if you can hear the shock, like if you in my face, y’all, like I accidentally became a gym rat simply because I found a stacked why different why’s that that led to this behavior.

After literally decades of trying everyone else’s systems, after literally decades of telling people like, you gotta want it more than you want the sleep, you know, that motivational talk, like after all this time of thinking, well, I just need to build out a certain routine. Well, I just need to, like, try meditation, or I just need to try this. All those things can work for different people, but at the end of the day, all of us are inspired to get up if we feel like there is a reason that is good enough to do so. And my reason was never just, oh, to build my business or oh, to, you know, I don’t know, like get into being more productive and get more done in the day. I don’t want to start a hard day early, But what you better believe ended up being my reason to get up was my family and being with them, especially after as you’ve heard, you know in our whole seasons of chats like all the things I’ve been through I just don’t take it lightly.

Like I have my health now and the idea that I could spend more moments with my family’s just means so much to me and by extension I’m improving my health.

So let’s get to piece 2, so this is the other part of it, and y’all will laugh at this I posted this past week like video of me waking up and like again tossing on my workout gear You know like making sure that was ready, and y’all saw I was wiping the sleep out of my eye, just a whole mess. I am a zombie in the morning. When I wake up, I am full on incoherent, like crusties in the eye, drool on the face, zombie. Like do not ask me questions, cannot function, which is crazy, because you know, by noon, I’m like zip, zam, boom, you know, Nicole can go, she can think she’s fast. So like, because I am so out of it, I have got to set up my day.

So it’s why I basically made a like only Workout gear like line up my Nike have all my sneaks there, like everything is ready to go. Because if I have all my stuff stacked and ready to go it actually keeps me from screwing up in the morning, because I cannot think.

So here’s the other piece of it. If you are saying to yourself, I’m going to wake up and do this laundry list of things, like, well, when I wake up, then I’m going to do this, and then I’m going to have this, and then I’m going to prepare my ancient tea ceremony, then I’m going to work on cross-stitching, then I’m going to do 15 affirmations. I don’t know about y’all, but my brain does not turn on that quick. Sometimes creating a list around what you should do to like cultivate relaxation can actually be overwhelming.

Like maybe it’s just more organic around not putting that extra pressure on yourself and just being glad and celebrating who you are and where you are right now. I feel my all when I know I am not putting extra pressure on myself to be more than what’s required in order to be successful for the day. You know, like starting off my day knowing that it’s okay for me to show up with what I got and ease my way in has been everything. So again, I do not want to minimize being an entrepreneur and having the financial flexibility and the privilege to have a day design like this. Not all of us got it.

I know for a fact that some of y’all are hopping up to get on that bus, hopping up to do that commute, hopping up to take care of those kids, single moms, you know, dealing with health concerns. Like, privilege is not lost on me, and you all deserve every single round of applause for doing it and the grace to try to fit in everything you can. You are inspiring. But I also am just sharing what works for me. And what I have found is literally grace, by removing all these boundaries and barriers and lists and tools and tricks and all these extra hacks that I’m getting, which frankly, a lot of them are coming from guys, who don’t have to deal with half the stuff that us mamas do.

Of course it’s easy for you to get up and just run to the gym because you’re not the one worried about getting the kids to school or you’re not the ones worried about making sure we have meat out of the freezer so it’s defrosted for dinner. You’re just up and going. You’re worried about you. And so what I found is when I have this stack of things ready to go, the other thing that I keep ready to go are all my vitamin and supplements that I keep right on the counter. I also have pre-workout. I make my athletic green shake in advance. I mean, I literally have all these things lined up and ready to go from the nighttime and like a lot of them like my supplements and stuff I can get ready top of the week.

So I can literally stumble in there, incoherent, into my bathroom, slip on my workout gear knowing that I’m ready to go take my stuff and then stumble into the car. By the time we get into the car and the kids get the playlist going and my guys got the tunes going because they just wake up in great spirits, you know, we’re having a blast and by the time we park at the gym, I’m actually pretty awake and ready to go.

Now here’s a little bonus tip of that. One of the things that I love about my new gym strategy, Y’all didn’t think I was even gonna give you that because this is going to transform your brain. How many of you are saying to yourself, gosh, like I would like to worry about my health more? I would like to get into the gym. I would like to do whatever is required to just get more movement in my life. And understand the gym, for those of you who haven’t been there, because a gym can be daunting and uncomfortable. The gym isn’t just workout equipment. It’s not just lifting, right? The gym I go to has like yoga classes and like kickboxing and you know, lots of different things that you can do outside of that. But here’s what I do when I go to the gym. You ready for it? Drum roll. Brrrrr. I walk. I literally walk.

The rule that I made, even when people are like, oh, you go to the gym every day. I’m like, nope, I just go to hang out with my guy. You won’t even catch me saying I go to the gym. Our conversation we’re having right now is literally between girlfriends. I would not tell anybody that I actually go to the gym and I work out. I do not. What I do every morning is I spend time with my fella. That’s what I do. I spend time with my fella every morning. And what does that entail? We arrive at the gym. He goes off to the fancy pants, cool guys, lifting heavy things section, right? Which I just want to be clear, I understand the value of weightlifting. I understand the value of routines and all that. I am just personally not there to each their own journey. Okay?

But he goes off to go lift heavy things. And I’m like, all right, I’ll see you when I see you. And I will turn on that treadmill. And also I will not, I will not feel pressured, right? Because it’s my all, not everybody else’s all. I have to feel my all. Next to me, people could be running a sprint, okay? They could be straight up challenging Usain Bolt’s, you know, world record in sprinting, okay, in the 100-meter dash. It don’t matter to me, okay? They could be the hottest girls at the gym. They could be, you know, the tight 20s that you get out in L.A. Don’t matter. I am putting my stuff on the level that makes me feel comfortable. I don’t need to break out of sweat if that’s the energy I got today. I will pop on my little sermon. Recently, I’ve been listening to the Potter House sermons by TD Jakes or I’ll grab some podcasts. My crew here at Dear Media network has lots of great podies that I get to listen to. I will pop those on and that is what I will do.

I’ll answer email. I’ll post on social. I’ll check in with my assistant. I’ll call my sister. Sometimes if I’m having a conversation that’s really good, and I don’t want to sound out of breath. I will walk slower so I can finish my conversation. By accident, I am literally getting in 4 to 5 miles of walking without even realizing it. Because I’m just going slow and I’m listening and I’m taking my time.

I want you to catch the lesson in all of this. Sometimes it’s not how much you’re doing or how fast you’re doing it. It’s a fact that you’re doing it at all. And if you’re able to say to yourself, look, these small steps all count, and I’m gonna give myself grace and not stress myself out about the pressures and the parameters to do things a certain way, you’re one, gonna be open to the tools that are gonna help you actually get it done.

I got myself great sneakers. These sneakers are changing my life because they’re helping me with my knees and my shoulder, my back alignment. I have a great bra, you know, I got a bountiful set of girls. It’s worth having the investment in great gear Nike makes some of the greatest, you know, like upper body, you know, bras and shirts because they’re built around the support that you need. And I don’t know if you were one of those girls, but I grew up needing like two bras just to even feel comfortable playing sports. And I was a sports girl and athlete. So it’s like nice to not have to think about that. And I just don’t think about it. You know, it all looks good. I throw it on. I feel comfortable and I’m able to just go.

And like, you know, it has just been I didn’t talk about this earlier because I wanted to see if I would do it for a while. You know how people will post like their routine and be like, I’m doing this, this and the next as they’re going, but then they fall off. I was like, I’m going to do this if I can for like 45 days. So it’s been a month and some change before I tell my friends about what I know is working for me because I want to make sure it’s real.

So believe it or not, this magical, super fancy, you know, morning routine is literally based off of not being fancy. This is the regular girl routine, okay? This is like the basic girl, normal mama, hot girl summer system, okay? And it all starts with, we’re going to break it down in bullet point.

First, find a reason why to wake up that actually feels good and stack those reasons. Find as many as you can if it’s like you know what every morning when I wake up early, I’ll have the extra 5 minutes to go to my favorite coffee shop. Hey, every morning when I wake up, I’ll have 5 extra minutes to play with my dog. Like every morning when I wake up, I’m gonna treat myself to watching one episode of Vanderpump Rules that I never get to watch. Whatever it is, maybe it’s all of them. Stack those reasons why, because that will make you want to get up and be like, ooh, I get to watch an episode of that show, right?

Second, make sure that morning goes as smoothly as possible. Let the nighttime you be kind to the morning you. So what does that mean? Figure out your gear like I don’t know about you, but clothing is such a hang up for me. If I know that I have to get dressed. Sometimes I don’t even want to go. So it’s like, if you know that you’ve got like a stack, like I found a brand that I know that I won’t have to think about the clothing. It’s why you hear me dropping Nike. I’m not even kidding. I don’t have to think. I know it’s going to fit. I know it’s going to be comfortable. I know it’s going to look good. I know they’re the only leggings I’ve ever seen that have a drawstring in them. So if you are a curvy girl, which means that, you know, a slightly smaller waist with, you know, a bountiful thigh, if you have that type of shape, I need leggings that are not gonna like, like when I do a squat, I’m not doing squats, let me stop lying. When I bend over to probably grab a donut or tie my shoe. Like I’m not getting like peeping because I’m able to tighten the drawstring on my leggings, but they’re not yoga pants. They’re like a yoga pant, like super support legging hybrid that I’m able to do that and feel comfortable.

So it’s like, you know, get your brand, you know, that you know, is going to be the thing that works for you so that you don’t have to think and then buy the stock that you need so you can just literally reach into your drawer, reach into your closet, throw those on. Get a favorite pair of sneaks or comfy clothing that you know works. Even if you’re just going to do this like athleisure just to walk around or if you’re saying to yourself, no, I just need something easy workout gear. It’s called capsule collections. A lot of like high powered entrepreneurs do this for ease of their brain work. You’ll hear that like Mark Zuckerberg is like, yeah, I just wore like a hoodie and a white t-shirt and jeans. Or you’ll hear bike Steve Jobs always wore a black turtleneck make it simpler for yourself I know some of you are stylistas or you’re, you know, you always want to look really good and you’re very into that and there’s room for that but I just want you to know like when it comes to just getting up, ease, ease, ease really helps, you know?

And then the last part is removing the pressures around what you’re supposed to do now that you’re up. Like, waking up to have a list of where you have to be and what you’re supposed to do is bananas. I will tell you that what has happened is I still end up accomplishing more in my day because I’m still starting my day early. But the reason I’m getting up is not specifically to run into my day. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

You know, if I’m getting up and saying to myself, look, when I show up, because I’m already starting early, everything is a plus. Everything is a bonus. Everything is already a win. So the fact that I’m waking up early and I even get to the gym, good on me. There are even times where, like, I’ve had days where I’ll get there and in the very first week I had a day where I was like look we’ve worked out for I didn’t realize that he was at the gym for 2 hours, I was like it feels like he’s here for so long like why so I finished my whole like you know cycle or whatever on the treadmill and it was like, okay, you walked for an hour. I was like, oh, look at me, I’m doing something.

And I was like, he’s not done yet. He was like, yeah, I have another like 20 minutes of my routine. I’m like, this is crazy. I walked my cute little tail right to the Starbucks, y’all. Sure did. I was like, I’ll be waiting for you over a cup of coffee. And it was great. You know what I mean? Why? Because there’s no rules. There’s no rules. If I go to the gym and one time I went to the gym over the past month and I had a client call that I’d started taking on my treadmill, but I needed to pay attention. So I got off the treadmill. I was only on it for maybe 15, 20 minutes. And I just took my call and I waited until he was done at the end of my call, and we went home. It doesn’t matter. I still got to spend time with him on the way there and the way back. I still got into the gym overall. I still did 20 more minutes of exercise than I would have done. I still felt comfortable and did my routine. Like it was a successful day because I did the things I said I would do, which was just spend time with my why.

And so when I tell you, if you do these 3 things, you will be shocked at how much that will transform your day, but also how much grace and ease and positive feelings you will have about you showing up because we’re called to be so much in our world. We’re called to show up in so many spaces. The last thing we need is to put pressure around ourselves about what we look like or how we do it.

So I hope that helps because it sure is helping me. But I also give myself grace and you should give it to yourself, too, that who knows what next month is going to bring. These kids are crazy and life is crazy, but I’m going to keep it up for as long as I can because it sure is working.

So friend, if you decide to incorporate this in your routine, let me know. If you want to know more about my tips, check the show notes and I might even post a few of my favorite Nike faves. All right. I will talk to you later or catch you on the podcast and if I see you at the gym, say hello.